To Grandpa, With love from Me

A wail jolted me awake in the dead of that December night, chilling me right to the bone despite of the heat. I never knew what happened until the next morning. And when I did, I was horror struck. I learned that my grandfather has passed away.

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The next 5 days were taxing on our family. People who knew my grandfather came to give their respects. And we had to give a proper show to all. In truth, I didn't feel sad at first. I felt nothing, numb. It would seem that in the whole clan, I was the only unaffected one. However, the truth was that I didn't know what to feel. But my feelings surfaced as I stood in front of grandfather's coffin as we all gave our personal messages to him.

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I've never seen my relatives shed a tear, much less cry. But that day, tears streamed from all of them. Heartbreaking sobs tore from all 3 sons of my grandfather. My grandmother, trying to be strong, broke down as well as she saw the peaceful look of my deceased grandfather. Yet I stood there, yet to feel anything. However that was soon to change.

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My uncles and my father tried to choke back their sobs to speak, to say their final good byes. Then, it was our turn, his grandchildren, too speak. One by one, I watched my brothers and cousins break down and cried as they tried to speak, heartbreaking sobs tearing from their lungs. Soon it was my turn. I stood there, looking at my grandfather. He looked so much more at peace now, smiling a little even. I was stunned when tears slid down my face, and sobs struggled to break through.

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Later that day, as we stood together as a family at the foot of grandfather's grave with our beloved friends surrounding us, I couldn't help but feel that the weather, which was bright and sunny with a slight breeze, was an insult to the atmosphere. As I stood there, watching shovel by shovel as the earth was shovelled back into the grave, memories washed over me so strongly that, for the moment, I wasn't there.

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I was born late into Grandpa's life. So he didn't really take much notice of me. But I always suspected that it was also because I was a female. Grandpa migrated from China to Malaysia with a few other of his clan members to find a new life. He started as out as a hard labourer, and slowly but surely, gave birth to his very own company, which the family now takes over.

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Despite ignoring me most of the time, he was a compassionate man, a kind man. He was the type off man that would show his love for his family by providing with abundance. And provide he did. He was a man of his word. Everything seemed so well, until he was plagued with an illnesses that crippled him for life.

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For the first few years, he refused to give in the sickness. He continued with his daily routine, rising early to go to work, returning home only when everyone went home. He never complained to us about the pain that we knew was so great. I remembered once, to show us youngsters how strong he still was, he challenged us all to an arm wrestling game. We all lost. How he had laughed at our stunned faces as we lost.

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His health took a turn for a worse as time passed. Soon, he couldnt talk anymore, and his body grew weak. Because he could not swallow, a tube was inserted at his stomach to feed him with. His pain was so unbearable for all of us to watch, and yet he suffered in silence, groaning only when he thought we couldn't hear. We were all so helpless to help him. All we could do was to stand by, powerless, as the sickness slowly consumed him.

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Through it all, from what I have heard, grandfather was a fine man. Brave, courageous, hardworking, honest, and many more. All the qualities that so many lack, yet grandfather had in abundance. With his hard work, he left behind a legacy that we would all strive to keep and protect, his memories and his company. And despite it all, he really did love us all.

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As the men finally shoveled the last of the earth in and patted it down evenly, everyone started to move on. As I stood there, with the breeze blowing through my hair gently, I changed my mind. This weather isn't an insult, but a blessing from grandpa. A sign that we should move on in life, that situations, though sad, always had a bright side to it. I looked up into the blue sky, the tears long dried, and gave a small smile. I love you grandpa, I whispered, and ran towards my family who stood waiting for me to return home, together.

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Grandfather, I know you can see my heart now, and I want to say this. I wish I could have known you better, and have more cheerful memories of you. I wish I had managed to done more to ease your sufferings. More than any of that, I wish that I could have had the chance to say this. I love you grandpa, though you're gone, I am glad that you are out of your sufferings. We will all dearly miss you.

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He who has gone, so we but cherish his memory, abides with us, more potent, nay, more present than the living man.
Antoine de Saint-Exupery