Artistic Designations

To Grandpa, With love from Me

2010-06-25T22:52:00.014+08:00

A wail jolted me awake in the dead of that December night, chilling me right to the bone despite of the heat. I never knew what happened until the next morning. And when I did, I was horror struck. I learned that my grandfather has passed away.

The next 5 days were taxing on our family. People who knew my grandfather came to give their respects. And we had to give a proper show to all. In truth, I didn't feel sad at first. I felt nothing, numb. It would seem that in the whole clan, I was the only unaffected one. However, the truth was that I didn't know what to feel. But my feelings surfaced as I stood in front of grandfather's coffin as we all gave our personal messages to him.

I've never seen my relatives shed a tear, much less cry. But that day, tears streamed from all of them. Heartbreaking sobs tore from all 3 sons of my grandfather. My grandmother, trying to be strong, broke down as well as she saw the peaceful look of my deceased grandfather. Yet I stood there, yet to feel anything. However that was soon to change.

My uncles and my father tried to choke back their sobs to speak, to say their final good byes. Then, it was our turn, his grandchildren, too speak. One by one, I watched my brothers and cousins break down and cried as they tried to speak, heartbreaking sobs tearing from their lungs. Soon it was my turn. I stood there, looking at my grandfather. He looked so much more at peace now, smiling a little even. I was stunned when tears slid down my face, and sobs struggled to break through.

Later that day, as we stood together as a family at the foot of grandfather's grave with our beloved friends surrounding us, I couldn't help but feel that the weather, which was bright and sunny with a slight breeze, was an insult to the atmosphere. As I stood there, watching shovel by shovel as the earth was shovelled back into the grave, memories washed over me so strongly that, for the moment, I wasn't there.

I was born late into Grandpa's life. So he didn't really take much notice of me. But I always suspected that it was also because I was a female. Grandpa migrated from China to Malaysia with a few other of his clan members to find a new life. He started as out as a hard labourer, and slowly but surely, gave birth to his very own company, which the family now takes over.

Despite ignoring me most of the time, he was a compassionate man, a kind man. He was the type off man that would show his love for his family by providing with abundance. And provide he did. He was a man of his word. Everything seemed so well, until he was plagued with an illnesses that crippled him for life.

For the first few years, he refused to give in the sickness. He continued with his daily routine, rising early to go to work, returning home only when everyone went home. He never complained to us about the pain that we knew was so great. I remembered once, to show us youngsters how strong he still was, he challenged us all to an arm wrestling game. We all lost. How he had laughed at our stunned faces as we lost.

His health took a turn for a worse as time passed. Soon, he couldnt talk anymore, and his body grew weak. Because he could not swallow, a tube was inserted at his stomach to feed him with. His pain was so unbearable for all of us to watch, and yet he suffered in silence, groaning only when he thought we couldn't hear. We were all so helpless to help him. All we could do was to stand by, powerless, as the sickness slowly consumed him.

Through it all, from what I have heard, grandfather was a fine man. Brave, courageous, hardworking, honest, and many more. All the qualities that so many lack, yet grandfather had in abundance. With his hard work, he left behind a legacy that we would all strive to keep and protect, his memories and his company. And despite it all, he really did love us all.

As the men finally shoveled the last of the earth in and patted it down evenly, everyone started to move on. As I stood there, with the breeze blowing through my hair gently, I changed my mind. This weather isn't an insult, but a blessing from grandpa. A sign that we should move on in life, that situations, though sad, always had a bright side to it. I looked up into the blue sky, the tears long dried, and gave a small smile. I love you grandpa, I whispered, and ran towards my family who stood waiting for me to return home, together.

Grandfather, I know you can see my heart now, and I want to say this. I wish I could have known you better, and have more cheerful memories of you. I wish I had managed to done more to ease your sufferings. More than any of that, I wish that I could have had the chance to say this. I love you grandpa, though you're gone, I am glad that you are out of your sufferings. We will all dearly miss you.

He who has gone, so we but cherish his memory, abides with us, more potent, nay, more present than the living man.
Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Secrets

2010-06-23T20:12:00.006+08:00

Sometimes I wonder,

If it were a secret

That you wouldn’t want to share,

Yet feel as though your heart might burst

If you keep it any longer.

Sometimes I wonder,

Why would you entrust your secrets

To someone you trust?

It is a secret after all,

So why would you share it?

There are times where,

At the point of no return,

The secrets would just spill out,

Like a waterfall,

Impossible to contain.

There are times when,

We can’t hold it in any longer,

And simply spill the beans

To the one we trust most,

Or so we think.

Secrets that are entrusted,

Should always be kept

Close at heart, guarded,

For it is not our secret to share,

Not our place to tell.

So should you tell me,

Your deepest, darkest secrets,

I will be honour bound,

To keep it with me,

Unless you say otherwise.

Because I am deeply honoured,

That you would tell me your secrets,

I will promise you one thing,

Your secret is safe with me,

For it is not my secret to share.

Photography

2010-06-23T19:26:00.002+08:00

Photographs were taken and edited by me.

Assignments from College

2010-06-23T19:05:00.007+08:00

Author's Note

2009-04-04T21:01:00.002+08:00

Hey Readers,

It's been awhile since I've had time to do any writing... I do apologize for that... It might still be awhile before I start writing again... with all my major exams coming up... I'm not surprised to find myself plagued by a writer's worst nightmare, a writer's block...

I'll do my best... So hang on and hope for they best...

Love,
Chris

Nonsense Poem

2008-12-31T22:36:00.003+08:00

I wanted to be a CELEBRITY,
So I went to gain some PUBLICITY,
But I got struck by a car at high VELOCITY.
Yes, I might have lost my INSANITY,
But I got more ELASTICITY,
And I’m not immune to ELECTRICITY.
No matter how much the QUANTITY
There is no ELIGIBILITY
For it all to be HERIDITARY!
I seem to have gain LONGEVITY,
Due to all this ACTIVITY,
Which could turn into REALITY,
And become MONSTROUSITY!!

God I Pray

2008-07-05T22:05:00.004+08:00

Some things are meant to be
Sometimes we’re meant to be alone
Some things are black and bleak
Sometimes you want to give up

All we can do
In times like these
Is to have faith
And pray to God

Who are we in His eyes?
What role do we play in this world?
Is it worth all the sufferings we’ve been through
For all this times?

I pray to God now
For everyone in the world
To stop this madness
We are causing this world

Small events leading into chaos
When will it all end?
Are we doing the right thing?
Or are we doing it wrong?

God I pray,
For everyone in this world
For You to save us
From the disaster we created

Forever Friends

2008-07-05T22:05:00.002+08:00

Friends we are
Forever friends we’ll be
Wherever we are,
You’re right beside me.

I hope we stay as friends
Till the end of time
And whenever that is
Our friendship will still shine

You mean everything to me
I hope it’s the same with you
You’re always helping me
Whatever it takes you to

So to every one of my friends,
You mean the world to me
Friends we are,
Forever friends we’ll be

No Coincidence, Only God.

2008-06-06T10:25:00.005+08:00

Who would know that meeting your friend would change your life? I know for sure now that meeting Clara wasn’t a coincident. I didn’t know at that time how much she would change my life.

It all began just as I started high school. I had just moved from across town and enrolled into Aspect High School. Being a cheerful and friendly student back in Arizona, I had thought that it would be easy to fit in. I was wrong. Cold hard stares penetrated my heart as I stepped into the school. I shivered despite the warm weather and hurriedly set of to find my class. “It couldn’t have been worse.” I thought. Little did I know how much more I had to suffer soon before meeting Clara.

Here I am, a year later. I still hadn’t made any friends and was severely depressed. I had been labeled as an outcast. I wanted people to like me, not hate me. The hurt was so bad in me that I had to take sleeping pills to sleep. I didn’t have anyone to share my secret with. “There’s no point in living anymore.” I muttered under my breath. I stepped into the school, still thinking deeply when suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder. I whirled around to see a smiling newbie.

“Hi! I’m Clara.” She greeted me with a grin. “I just moved here and wondered if you could show me around!” Her angelic smile made me forget my troubles for the moment. Then I smiled for the first time in a long while as I looked at Clara. “Sure! Why not?” I replied her. I introduced myself as we walked towards our class.

As our friendship grew, we learnt more and more about each other. Clara was a devoted Christian and was always singing praises to God. She goes to church every chance she got and was settling in well. Clara had invited me to her church a number of times but I had refused. I told her that I wasn’t free, but she never got angry at me and said it was alright. I didn’t tell her the actual reason, I just couldn’t. The truth was that I didn’t even have my own religion. It suddenly hit me like a battering ram when Clara had first invited me to church. “It doesn’t matter,” trying to convince myself to shake the cold feeling of. But I knew that Clara wouldn’t stop trying to get me to church.

Time flew by and our friendship blossomed. She was there when my dog died. I was there when her brother got sick. We couldn’t be separated. If you called one, you get both. We were always together. Only one thing kept us apart; church. I was still running away, but Clara never gave up. She kept inviting me, but I wasn’t ready. Not yet anyway.
One day, I walked into the school trembling and pale. Clara noticed immediately and was concerned. I was in to much shock to answer her questions. It’s amazing how she seem to understand and stop bombarding me with questions. After school ended, I was calmer and she decided to ask me what happened.

“Are you ok Chris?” She asked me softly at the school garden. “You looked so pale back there. Is everything at home ok?” I knew that Clara had meant well. But the shock was still too great for me to handle. Abut after a lot of persuading, I told Clara the devastating news.

“Clara,” I whispered softly. “My parents are getting divorce. What am I going to do? I might have to move away from here? I don’t want to leave.” After breaking the news, I started sobbing uncontrollably.

Clara was at loss for words. For the next few days, I was inconsolable. I wouldn’t talk, I wouldn’t smile. I didn’t know at that time that my parents needed my support and love. I just didn’t want to live anymore. Clara grew more and more worried as she watched me crumble. Her smile never disappeared, but it was always accompanied by a frown. One day, she decided to take action after seeing me refusing to eat.

“Come on,” she pleaded, holding on to my hand. “Just this once. Please?” Clara had come over to my house and whisked me out. Before I knew it, I was standing in front of the church. I had pulled back in surprise, jerking Clara back with me as she held my hand. “Please Chris,” she pleaded again. I finally consented.

Just as we stepped into the church, Pre-prayer service had just ended and Clara pulled me to the front row. Just as we put out bags down, the worship band had started playing. The music was loud and all the people around me was singing along with the band. Everyone jumped up and down in excitement as they sang praises to God. I could see everyone smiling.

“Why is everyone to happy?” I wondered. “Anyone would have thought they had won a lottery ticket.” Beside me, Clara was lifting her hand up in worship as she sang. After the worship and a few other interesting announcements, new comers were asked to stand up. Clara nudged me up and everyone welcomed me warmly. When the ordeal was over, Reverend David took over and I understood a little better at why Clara was always so happy.
“God loves you no matter who you are,” he stated. “No matter who you are or what you are inside. No matter how lonesome or how popular you are, how happy or devastated, God will always love you whether you want Him or not. Some of you here might be considering taking your life. I’ll say this to you all, your body doesn’t belong to you, it belongs to God. It doesn’t matter whose life you’re taking. As long as it’s life, you have sinned. Don’t disappoint God. He molded us and delivered us into the world. He created you to smile, not to frown, to strive, and not to fail. Everyone here has the potential to do something, just as long as you do something about it.” After saying all this, Reverend David started praying.

Even after Reverend David had finished praying and everyone had started moving towards the refreshment corner, I still sat confused and dazed at the message that was just shared. I suddenly felt Clara embrace me and started praying for me. I couldn’t take it any longer, and I broke down crying. Clara simply continued embracing me and praying for me.
As I was drying my eyes, Clara told me about the perfect sacrifice, Jesus, who was God’s only son. Reverend David joined us when Clara had told me Jesus had died for all our sins. I wanted to know more.

“Clara told me everything.” Reverend David suddenly broke in. “She was so worried about you and prayed for you everyday.” Then he proceeded to tell me everything I wanted to know about God. Why He sent Jesus to die for us, how he created us. “God created us all for a purpose,” bring the discussion to an end. “You might not know why now, but I’m sure you will find your purpose soon.” I felt an overwhelming sense of peace in me suddenly. I decided to make a decision that I never regretted until this day. I wanted to be a Christian.

My life was never the same then. I soon got over the shock of my parents divorce and live day by day knowing the truth that God loves me. I started smiling again. I praised God when my parents suddenly decided not to separate and my grades improved tremendously. Clara was delighted at my change and the bond of our friendship strengthened. We went to church every chance we got and began to shine brightly. Our school mates were amazed and started asking us the secret to our long lasting friendship and happiness. Aspect High School was never the same then. All it took was for two girls to share the gospel. The students began to smile and laugh and the teachers began relaxing their standards and start smiling.

Was meeting Clara a coincident? Definitely not. Clara would always be my best friend and sister. She changed my life and took me under her wings. Sure God might throw me some tough challenges, but I’ve learnt to get up and learn from that experience. My faith never wavered, and I never once doubted God. God made sure everything would turn out right. Never a fault and never a mistake. It all depends on the way you handle it and whether you have true friends standing by you. If it wasn’t for Clara, I might not have gotten a second chance.

Remember, God loves us all. He will never forsake us. He molded is the way he wanted and delivered us into the world. We should bless God in return by listening to Him. It’s all in His hands.

Who am I Inside?

2008-02-09T16:40:00.000+08:00

Who am I really?
What do I want to be?
When I look in the mirror,
Is that really me?
Why Did I say such foolish things?
Things I never meant
One moment real,
the next a dream
Things just arent what they seem.
Why cant I show them who I am?
Is it fear, or maybe pride?
Where is a friend
who is willing to listen?
In whom I can confide?
Doesnt anyone understand
What its like to
hide your feelings away?
To keep them bundled up inside,
To save for when I pray?
I search to find who that is,
The stranger deep inside of me.
Who am I really?
Will anyone ever see?

Lighting Your Way

2008-02-05T20:54:00.000+08:00

If I was one thing, I'd be a candle
Lighting the way so you can handle
Your life easier without woes
Not having to fight with your foes.
I'd help keep you from stumbling over
Things blocking your path to an open door.
If I light your path, life is easier,
Even strong winds, my light will not deter.
No matter what, I'm here for you
To cheer you up when you are blue.
Do not fret when times get tough,
If things look down or kind of rough.
Just remember, I'm always here,
In your heart, close and near.
I will help you out in every way,
Happiness and love in your heart will stay.
Don't blow me out, that's one request
Unless it's me you do detest.
I do not try to hurt anyone
That isn't good or any fun.
But one day you may leave me behind
You may no longer need my light to shine.
If that day comes, go on your way
And I will hope to see you again one day.
If one day, I don't appear,
Don’t worry, don’t fear
I may be gone, but in your heart
The light I gave you did not depart.
It will be there forever and a day
To always bring happiness and light your way.
Farewell for now, I'm needed elsewhere
If your path grows dark, in your heart, I'm there.
So I'm really not gone, just not seen,
I would not leave, I'm not that mean.
Only one request that I must say,
Please, never forget those who lit your way.

Never Goodbye

2008-01-10T10:44:00.000+08:00

You helped me laugh
you dried my tears
because of you
I have no fears
together we live
together we grow
teaching each other
what we must know
you came into my life
and I was blessed
I love you guys
you are the best
release my hand and say good-bye
and please my friend don't you cry
I promise you this;
Its not the end
Cause like I said
It's never good - bye

Great Scenes

2008-01-05T20:41:00.001+08:00

Photographed by me and only me, I still say that the sky is is one of the places I long to soar into with wings...

Initial stages

2008-01-05T12:26:00.000+08:00

Hi. Artistic Designations is just a place to indulge in various form of art that I can pack in here. If there’s a story do read from the start and if there's drawing or lyrics do drop a comment. You are also free to drop in different suggestions to place any other art work here if I can possibly manage. Enough delay so let the art fiesta begin…
-Chris